Bolingbrook Babbler: Bolingbrook's first and only true tabloid
In This Issue: Front Page Archive |About the Babbler Links to Avoid

Doctors fearful of Dog Flu breakout

Image of Ditka spotted on football field

UFO near collisions down 19% in 2007

Jaycees raise money for homeless vampires

Ask Sheila

Bolingbrook in the Bible

Confessions of an Adultolescent

Ticked-off Ted

God to smite Bolingbrook on 1/7/08.

E-mail The Babbler

Visit the webmaster's site

© Copyright 2007

Weblog Commenting and Trackback by HaloScan.com

Babbler reveals shocking 2008 predictions

Flooded High School

Since 1966, The Bolingbrook Babbler has assembled Chicago's psychics to get their insight on the coming new year. Throughout the years, our panel has made some remarkable accurate predictions. For example, in 1967, we predicted that there would be protests at the 1968 Democratic Convention. Now some would say that we didn't predict the scale of the riots, but that's just skeptical nit picking. The fact is there were protests at the 1968 convention.

Some of our "misses" turned out to be true, we just got the incorrect year. In 1978, we predicted that a mayor would die in office. They laughed as the mayor survived the year. Of course a mayor did die in 1986, so our panel was only seven years off.

The following represent the best interpretations of our panel's visions for 2008. We provide these as a service to our readers. Not all of these predictions may come true, but it's better to be prepared than to be surprised.

  • Following the explosion of a comet over Bolingbrook, 48 inches of rain will fall on the village. Thousands will be forced to flee the floodwaters, and the event will be known as The Great Bolingbrook Flood. While Bolingbrook will receive worldwide support, some members of the FindStacyPeterson.com forum will accuse Mayor Roger Claar of creating the flood to cover-up Stacy Peterson's murder.
  • Chicago spirals into chaos when CTA Doomsday finally arrives. Unable to get to work, Chicagoans release their frustration on each other. 10,000 residents will die in riots before funding is approved.
  • Illinois Democrats will celebrate as Barack Obama is nominated for President.
  • Following a divisive campaign and a brokered convention, The Republicans nominate Alan Keyes for President. Jim Oberweis says he should have gotten the nomination instead.
  • First publicly released UFO transmission is a message saying that they did not abduct Stacy Peterson.
  • 8/8/08 attacks force the President to suspend The Constitution. Five people in Naperville will hold up signs in protested. They will then arrested by the TSA's new sidewalk screeners.
  • A radio-controlled model plane will crash into Sears Tower. Mayor Daley will say that terrorists were controlling it. He will then suspend The City Charter and assume direct control of Chicago. It will later be revealed that it was really controlled by a 10-year-old boy.
  • As the Chicago Smoking ban leads to a decline in tax revenue, Cook County will try to come up with alternate reasons for residents to buy cigarettes.  One proposal calls for local hip-hop artists to start pasting cigarettes on the walls of their homes. "Ciging the walls" unfortunately, will not catch on, and the county will be forced to pass a fattening food tax instead.
  • The daughter of a former Bolingbrook Mayor will announce her candidacy for Mayor.  "I've spend a lot of time with my family recently, and it's been very valuable."  She will say.  "If you elect me Mayor of Bolingbrook, Roger Claar will be able to spend lots of quality time with his family too."
  • The Cubs still won't win the World Series, and the Bears still won't win the Super Bowl.

|


Please note: All stories and characters on this web site are works of fiction.