Babbler reveals shocking 2008
Since 1966, The Bolingbrook Babbler has assembled Chicago's psychics to
get their insight on the coming new year. Throughout the years, our panel
has made some remarkable accurate predictions. For example, in 1967, we
predicted that there would be protests at the 1968 Democratic Convention.
Now some would say that we didn't predict the scale of the riots, but that's
just skeptical nit picking. The fact is there were protests at the 1968
Some of our "misses" turned out to be
true, we just got the incorrect year. In 1978, we predicted that a mayor
would die in office. They laughed as the mayor survived the year. Of
course a mayor did die in 1986, so our panel was only seven years off.
The following represent the best interpretations of our panel's visions
for 2008. We provide these as a service to our readers. Not all of these
predictions may come true, but it's better to be prepared than to be surprised.
- Following the explosion of a comet over Bolingbrook, 48 inches of rain
will fall on the village. Thousands will be forced to flee the floodwaters,
and the event will be known as The Great Bolingbrook Flood. While Bolingbrook
will receive worldwide support, some members of the FindStacyPeterson.com
forum will accuse Mayor Roger Claar of creating the flood to cover-up
Stacy Peterson's murder.
- Chicago spirals into chaos when CTA Doomsday finally
arrives. Unable to get to work, Chicagoans release their frustration
on each other. 10,000 residents will die in riots before funding is approved.
- Illinois Democrats will celebrate as Barack Obama is nominated for
- Following a divisive campaign and a brokered convention, The Republicans
nominate Alan Keyes for President. Jim Oberweis says he should have gotten
the nomination instead.
- First publicly released UFO transmission is a message
saying that they did not abduct Stacy Peterson.
- 8/8/08 attacks force the President to suspend The Constitution. Five
people in Naperville will hold up signs in protested. They will then
arrested by the TSA's new sidewalk screeners.
- A radio-controlled model plane will crash into Sears Tower. Mayor Daley
will say that terrorists were controlling it. He will then suspend The
City Charter and assume direct control of Chicago. It will later be revealed
that it was really controlled by a 10-year-old boy.
- As the Chicago Smoking ban leads to a decline
in tax revenue, Cook County will try to come up with alternate reasons
for residents to buy cigarettes. One proposal calls for local hip-hop artists to start
pasting cigarettes on the walls of their homes. "Ciging the walls" unfortunately,
will not catch on, and the county will be forced to pass a fattening
food tax instead.
- The daughter of a former Bolingbrook Mayor will
announce her candidacy for Mayor. "I've spend a lot of time with my family recently,
and it's been very valuable." She will say. "If
you elect me Mayor of Bolingbrook, Roger Claar will be able to spend
lots of quality time with his family too."
- The Cubs still won't win the World Series, and the Bears still won't
win the Super Bowl.
Please note: All stories and characters on this web
site are works of fiction.