UFO crashes into Four Lakes ski hill

A tourist's lucky shot of a UFO crash at Lisle's Four Lakes residential complex.

By Reporter X

A K09 class UFO crashed into the Four Lakes ski hill in Lisle last Saturday, creating a massive fireball. While the crew perished, only 15 bystanders were injured by the blast.

At approximately 1:30 PM, Clow UFO base officials alerted the Four Lakes ski patrol about the approaching UFO.

Head Coordinator Donald Pilstone told The Babbler, "we have procedures for UFO incidents, but we've never practiced them before. So when we got the call, I just figured that the first thing to do was to clear the ski hill. Now I realize that the cover story should have been that we had a bomb threat, but that's too scary. So I violated procedure and said that they had to clear the hill so we could apply an emergency coat of snow. I got some funny looks but it worked."

Several Four Lakes Residents described the saucer's fiery decent.

"I was bored and about to pull the fire alarm for kicks." Said Jake, a resident of The Towers apartments. "Then I felt a rumbling. I ran over to my window and saw this burning flying saucer diving towards the ski hill. I'm not taking Plan 9 burning saucer. I mean this thing was seriously on fire. Anyway, about a second or two later, the ski hill blew up!"

A snowboarder, who asked to be called Joe, described his run down the hill as UFO crashed.

"They (The ski patrol) told us to evacuate the hill right away. I thought it was odd, since they were just going to run the snow machines again. They wanted us to take the stairs down, but I figured that would take too long. So I started down the hill. When I approached the jump, I saw burning disk to my right diving towards the ground. Then it happened so fast. First I jumped the ramp, then there was a big boom, and then I face-planted onto the roof of the Lodge. I'm lucky to be alive."

Don, a patron of The Lodge restaurant, said, "I was so into my waitress, you know, that I didn't noticed the rumbling. I thought that was just me being really into her you know. They have such sexy waitresses there. I thought I heard some screaming in the background. Then the explosion shook The Lodge, and the window I was sitting by cracked. Well, when I came back to my senses, I thought that maybe this was a sign from God that I need to get a girlfriend, and to stop always staring at the waitresses. "

Minutes after the crash, tanker planes from Clow UFO Base doused the flames, while the Lisle Fire Department treated 15 bystanders for cuts and minor radiation burns. No one had to be hospitalized, and all witnesses were instructed not to talk to the mainstream media about the incident.

Clow officials deny that the crash was linked to the legend of the Lisle Square, an area where UFO pilots claim to have equipment problems as they fly into Clow. Off the record, the officials pointed out that the K09 is an old model craft with a history of mechanical problem. The Roswell Incident, for example, involved a K09 craft.

"These craft will work fine for thousands of light years, and then as they approach Earth, their navigational systems go haywire." Said an anonymous official. "I just wish more Grays would upgrade to the K12, and ban the K09. Then we wouldn't have to cover-up all of these crashes."

A Clow cleanup crew returned the area to normal, much to the delight of The Lodge's staff.

"When I saw the mess, I didn't think we'd be open for a month." Said an anonymous manager. "But the crew was amazing. They patched up the hill, and replaced the windows in The Lodge. It was like nothing had ever happened. We were able to put on our Styx and REO Speedwagon cover band concert that night as planned. It all worked our for the best."

The names of the alien crew members have not been released, pending notification of their families.

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