Daley: Comet Holmes might hit Chicago!
Full funding for CTA needed to avoid real doomsday

Could Comet Holmes hit the Chicago area? If it does, will the CTA be able to evacuate Chicago in time? (Image taken from The Bad Astronomy web site.)

Desperate to secure state funding for the Chicago Transit Authority, Mayor Daley is telling state representatives that Comet Holmes might strike Chicago.  Unless the CTA is fully funded, evacuation would be impossible.

Mike, a city official close to the mayor, described Daley's pitch to The Babbler.

"The mayor is simply saying, 'Look, I can't give too many details, but I've been hearing concerns about a certain space object that's recently been in the news.  Now I can't say why these Department of Homeland officials told me about this object, but I can say that they asked me about my evacuation plans.  I assured these unnamed government officials that as long as the CTA is fully funded, we could evacuate Chicago.  So I hope, I really hope, that you'll fund the CTA, and potentially save the lives of millions of tax payers."

The only natural space object in the news has been Comet Holmes.  Comet Holmes recently became visible to the naked eye, puzzling many scientists.  If the comet were to hit the Chicago area, some scientists say it would be a major disaster.

Explains college freshman Dave Sampson, "Dude, with all of its mass and kinetic energy, the impact would be like an atomic bomb.  Nothing would be left.  Katrina left buildings behind.  The impact would only leave dust and glass!"

Mike says the mayor is hoping this doomsday scenario will convince the state to fully fund the CTA.

"There's no way the Tollways can handle millions of drivers fleeing Chicago.  We'll need to use buses and L trains to get people to safety.  If we have to lay off CTA employees, then millions of Chicagoans will be doomed!  Do these state representatives want to be responsible for doomsday because they were too cheap?  Think of the children!  Think of the lost tax revenue!  Chicago's residents subsidize this state's budget!"

While the mayor seems to believe an impact is possible, some on the Internet disagree.

"Comet Holmes is moving away from the Earth, not towards Earth."  Wrote a poster on Bad Astronomy forum.  "Just enjoy the view."

An anonymous member of the Enterprise Mission still feels Comet Holmes presents a danger.

"I don't care what those atheists on the Bad Astronomy web site think," She said, "we think aliens are firing rockets on the comet as part of a breaking maneuver.  It's quite possible they're going to redirect the comet towards Earth."

When asked to comment, Mayor Daley said, "You guys are from The Babbler.  Mayor Claar warned me about you guys.  Leave me alone, or I'll impose an out of town newspaper tax on your publication!"

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