Crocoduck attacks Taste of Chicago

File footage of a crocoduck, courtesy of The Friendly Atheist web site.

Dozens of Taste of Chicago patrons panicked as a rare crocoduck landed in Grant Park. Police managed to contain the half-duck, half-crocodile creature until Animal Control officials captured the creature.

Ron Steitz first saw the creature land in the park.

"I was feeding some buns to the seagulls when I saw this duck flying in from the lake. At first I thought it had a very large head, but then it landed, and I saw it had the head of a crocodile. I couldn't believe what I was seeing."

"I heard a 'ruack' sound and turned around." Said Jan Thilmany. "It was this duck thing, charging at me. I dropped my corn on the cob, and screamed! If it weren't for Chicago's gun laws, I could have shot it!"

Officer Magner was the first to respond to the crocoduck's appearance. "My first thought was to shoot it because it looked so creepy. But then I realized that there has been enough shooting and violence at the Taste. So I called in reinforcements, and tried to usher people away from it."

According to eyewitnesses, as the police the planned their next move, the crocoduck charged the Cajun Shack booth.

"I was cooking some gator burgers when I saw this monster running towards the booth." Said Donnie Rooke, employee at Cajun Shack. "It looked really mad. I guess it thought I was cooking his relatives. That's when I cried out, 'we get our gators from free-range gator farm. We don't give them any steroids! We treat them well!' It didn't listen."

Only when Officer Magner struck the crocoduck with his nightstick did the creature stop, preventing the slaughter of the Cajun Shack employees. As the crocoduck snapped the nightstick in half, other officers surrounded the creature. When it tried to charge the Chinese food pavilions, officers used pepper spray on the creature.

After five minutes, Animal Control officer Roger Felt captured the creature using a net gun. Felt injected a tranquilizer into the crocoduck's tough hide, and then put it into a steel cage.

"The poor thing was just lost and scared." Said Felt. "It only attacks people when it is afraid. They're normally harmless."

According to Felt, the Crocoduck is an endangered species that normally lives in the Southern United States. However, global warming and creationists have driven the creature to near extinction."

"Years ago, minister Ray Comfort said that the existence of the crocoduck would prove evolution. So when crocoducks were discovered, creationists covered up their existence from the media, and actively hunted them down. The few crocoducks that are left are moving north to escape creationists." Felt added that the spread of Creationism throughout the United States threatens the remaining crocoducks.

"A crocoduck is no more evidence for evolution than any other creature." Said Felt. "It's not even related to the crocodile. A series of mutations just gave it a head that looks like a crocodile's. This poor creature is a victim of US politics."

Comfort, nor Kirk Cameron, could be reached for comment.

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