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| In This Issue: | Front Page Archive |About the Babbler Links to Avoid | ||
Babbler remembers veterans of alien wars Lisle zombies face extinction Immortals fight boredom Mars probe lands in Lake Michigan Psychic baby confounds skeptical mother Ask Sheila Bolingbrook in the Bible Confessions of an Adultolescent Ticked-off Ted Web sites to avoid God to smite Bolingbrook on 6/2/08 © Copyright 2008 |
Documentary
crew invades Naperville North
A film crew making a "sensible" mathematics documentary, invaded Naperville North High School, harassing students, and teachers. Naperville North's security team did not know how to deal with the aggressive film crew. "They had passes, so that's how they got through our initial screening." Said one security guard. "When they started filming, we didn't know what to do. We know what to do when someone shoots bullets at students. We don't know what to do when someone shoots film of our students. So our first priority was to secure the dressing rooms and the bathrooms. Hey, we just wanted to be sure they weren't filming a porno." The documentary crew also brought so-called protesters with them. They marched outside the high school, holding signs, like "Math=Terrorism" and "Zero is the devil!" "Protester" Jamie Nestor explains how she was recruited for the film. "I'm on a home schooling mailing list and I got an e-mail asking me if I believe that Islam should be partially taught in our schools. I said no, because if we teach part of Islam, then we have to part of Satanism as well. Then they told me go to Naperville North to protest the teaching of Islamic math." Nestor said that she was promised a reward. After the crew finished with her, they explained the reward. "The producer said that were going to be given $10 for our work, but that Bible requires us to give threefold of what we earn. He said that under Arabic mathematics, I would owe him $20. But that's a negative number, and they don't exist. So that money actually exists and it's in Heaven. It will be waiting for me after I die and meet Jesus. Believe me, that was more uplifting than any math class I was forced to attend." Once inside Naperville North, the cameramen accosted students and started asking them questions. "First they asked me if I knew what 2+2 equaled." Said a Tim, who only gave his first name. "I told them, and they the guy asked what would happen if he game me two apples and two oranges. Would I suddenly have four apples and four oranges? Would the fruit merge into four apple-oranges? I knew there was something wrong with their reasoning, but I couldn’t think of what it was. Now millions of people are going to think I'm stupid!" Janet said the crew also accosted her. "They asked me what six divided by three is. I answered, and then they asked if I thought women should speak only when spoken to. I said no, and they called me a pro-terrorist slut! I protested, and they told me that I should forget math and read the Bible. Then I should find a husband to take care of me!" The crew split up and barged into math classes. According to Sariah, a producer told her class that math destroys families because women who do well in math can't get husbands. When Sariah protested, the producer replied that men don't want to date smart women, and math makes women look ugly to men. "They said I'm ugly because I’m good at math, but I want a boyfriend, and I won't get one because I have to get A's in all of my classes, and now I'll never have a boyfriend, and my life is ruined! I hate my parents!" Finally, one of the cameramen entered the classroom held by Ed Rosenthal, former mayor of Bolingbrook, and substitute teacher. The camera said that negative numbers were evil, and demanded to speak with "Emmit." According witnesses, Rosenthal, a former coach of the Naperville North Women's golf team, simply replied, "There is no math teacher named Emmitt in this school. Now let me explain your situation. I know all the teachers in this school district. Not only are you in the wrong school, you are in the wrong school district, and you are messing with the wrong teacher. I would suggest that you take your film crew, and never come back here." The crew left shortly after Rosenthal's remarks. A teacher, who wishes to remain anonymous, said he gave the film crew visitor passes. "They said they were making the sequel to Expelled and they wanted to interview students to see how they were dealing the with trauma of graduating without a school sponsored prayer at graduation. I didn't know they were going to be so abrasive, and I didn't know they were going to attack mathematics. They lied to me. Maybe they lied to me about other things. Maybe evolution is real after all. Excuse me, I have to reconsider my life." There is very little information about Expelled 2, due to the fact that there is a court ordered injunction against Expelled because of its use of John Lennon's song "Imagine" without Yoko Ono's permission. Any alleged current work on the sequel would have to done covertly. The current title is rumored to be "Divided: How the teaching of zero lead to 9/11." Jessica Simpson has been asked to narrate the film. Please note: All stories and characters on this web site are works of fiction. |
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