Letters from The Babbler's readers

By Doug Fields

Reader's Editor Doug Fields

To all of readers who are mothers, The Babbler wishes you a happy Mother's Day. We value your hard work raising a new generation of Babbler readers.

Did you know that on some worlds both the male and female of the species take turns carrying their baby to term? Humans can't do that yet, but female scientists are working on this problem.

Until that day, Mothers are still a human child's primary care giver. Some mothers like to e-mail The Babbler for advice. Like this reader:

To the Editor:

I no longer recognize my daughter. She turned 13 recently, and now she's rude and obsessed with her cell phone. I can't reason with her any more. Is she under alien mind control?

Dena X Williams
Bolingbrook, IL

Dena, aliens have been trying to control our teenagers since the 1950s. Who do you think really created Rock music? Unfortunately, the world's governments are powerless to stop them.

My advice is to tell your daughter to stop listening to the aliens, or you will force her to wear a tinfoil hat. Her desire to be accepted by her peers should give her the strength to resist the aliens' subliminal messages.

I'm pretty sure this letter about a mother was sent to us by mistake:

To the Editor:
           
Now that Sen. Hillary Clinton is all but assured of the nomination, I decided to take another look at her. I thought she had already been fully vetted, but I am concerned that this is not the case.

I received an e-mail yesterday saying that new documents suggest that Hillary lied during the Whitewater hearings. The liberal media told me that she was acquitted, but why do these documents exist, and why hasn't she denied their existence? This concerns me.

I also read on a blog that there are 10 women who claim to have had sex the Bill Clinton on a private jet. This concerns me because I don't want to go through another Monica scandal.

Now I am concerned that a man has stepped forward to claim that he is really Chelsea Clinton's father. Sure it is odd that he is now just coming forward with this information. Yet why won't Hillary consent to a paternity test? If she is innocent, why won't she eliminate any doubt? This raises concerns that she isn't as moral as we have been lead to believe.

I wish I could vote for Barack Obama, but he's out of the race. Now I'm a lifelong Democrat, but I have too many concerns to vote for Hillary. Instead I will vote for Sen. John McCain. He survived being tortured, and he won't hesitate to use enhanced interrogation on our enemies.  He makes me feel safe.

Jeff A. Hart
Chicago, IL

I guess this letter is a taste of what could have been.

Speaking of it takes a village; we at The Babbler try to do the right thing to help local mothers. Take this letter, for example.

To the Editor:

I'm 16, and my parents say that as long as I live under their roof, I have to follow their rules. I read in the newspaper that Drew Peterson started dating Stacy when she was 17. He seems cool for an old dude. Do you think he would like to date me? Please give me his phone number.

Name withheld

I sent this letter directly to her parents. Teenagers should only date teenagers, and Drew has more important things to worry about than dating. Like finding his wife.

Finally, we break from the Mother's Day theme to address what seems to be a pressing issue in Oklahoma.

To the Editor:

I noticed that your publisher is named Chris Olson. We have a doctor named Chris Olson. Are they related? If not, would your publisher be willing to change his name so people don't get confused?

Chelsea Z. Coleman
Vinita, OK

Let's see. We have a doctor who lives in Oklahoma and a publisher who lives in Bolingbrook, IL. Yes, I can see how people could be easily confused.

Seriously, no they are not related, and no, our Chris will not be changing his name. Neither should your Chris change his name. There are many Chris Olsons in the world, and they get along just fine.

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Please note: All stories and characters on this web site are works of fiction.