Citgo buys naming rights to Lisle
Residents fear Hugo Chavez's name will be on everything

Citgo briefly tested a Hugo Chavez sign in downtown Lisle. The sign could be back in March. The image of Hugo Chavez is believed to be from Agencia Brasil.

In a matter of months, Lisle's Village Hall might be renamed "Lisle Village Government located in the Citgo People's Hall." The fire department might be named "The Citgo Get Up and Go Lisle-Woodridge Fire Department." Worse, a billboard-sized picture of Hugo Chavez might welcome visitors to "The Lisle Downtown District brought to you by Citgo and Hugo Chavez!"

Sources tell The Babbler that the Lisle Village government has sold naming right to the Citgo, the national oil company of Venezuela. The deal, according to the sources, allows Citgo to add to the title of any government department or commercial area in Lisle.

"Considering that the village is depleting its reserve fund, they really didn’t have a choice." Said a source we'll call A. "There's no way the village could increase residential taxes. With all the businesses leaving Lisle, the village board was in a really desperate situation."

Add a source, who we'll call B, "The village had to come up with a way to get more money without raising taxes. So they came up with the idea of naming rights. Hey, it works for professional sports! Companies pay big money to put their name on stadiums that taxpayers funded, and then they force fans to pay big money for tickets. It could work for Lisle."

When asked if the village could raise the money by attracting new businesses, both sources laughed.

Said A, "Bringing in new businesses means giving them village funds to entice them to move here, then giving the new business a tax break for several years. By the time the tax breaks expire, the business will move to another location. Bringing in new businesses involves losing money."

Added B, "There are only two types that move into Lisle: Corporate headquarters, and people who love trees."

Though many Lisle-based corporations bid for the naming rights, Citgo was always seen as the clear favorite.

Said a source we'll call C, "The first thing you see when you drive into downtown Lisle is the Citgo station. Citgo is an ingrained part of Lisle's identity, and it wouldn't make sense to have another company's name as part of Lisle."

Since the government of Venezuela owns Citgo, some fear that president Hugo Chavez might abuse the naming rights for his own political purposes.

Benedictine University professor Augustus Hamilton say that president Chavez suffered a humiliating defeat in the constitutional referendum, and is very unpopular in the United States.

"Chavez may want to spend the remainder of his term improving his popularity in the US. Perhaps as his way of taking President Bush down with him. One way to do this is to attach his name to an all-American village like Lisle. If Americans associate him with Lisle, instead of hysterical speeches, it might improve his popularity here."

Lisle resident John Kemmet formed Lisle Against Citgo when he heard about the naming agreement.

"One-fourth of the 9/11 hijackers came from Venezuela!" Says Kemmet. "Now they want to use our good name to spread their propaganda! They hate our freedom, and now they want to use our freedom against us! That ugly gas station was bad enough, but I will not have Hugo Chavez's name on our high school!"

A spokesperson for Citgo, who asked not to be identified, denied that Citgo had bought the naming right to Lisle.

"Even if we did," she said, "there's no way we would use Hugo Chavez's name. Have you seen his Q rating? If we used his image people would go back to riding horses than buy gas from us."

The spokesperson then added that the US's perception of Chavez is incorrect.

"He uses oil profits to help his country's poor and to create services for all citizens. Once you look past his authoritarian tendencies, you'd see that he's really not a bad guy."

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