Illegal space aliens find haven in Bolingbrook
A Broken Force Fields special report

By Reporter X

An alien attempting to escape from Clow UFO Base. Seconds after this photo was taken, Clow security disintegrated the unfortunate alien.

Glickglack, an alien from HD 69830, always dreamed of finding a world rich in gravel.  But his visa wouldn't allow this hyperdrive engineer to leave the grounds of Bolingbrook's Clow UFO Base.  But his gravel rations weren't enough to support his 50 spores back home.

So Glickglack decided to risk everything and escape Clow.   Using maps and instructions from his home government, Glickglack glided towards the one of the base's cloaking fields.  Slime dripped from his nose.  If his instructions were correct, when the field deactivated, there would be a 15 second sensor blackout.  He would have to make a desperate dash for the Sears loading dock and freedom.  If he failed, he would be vaporized.

The field flickered out.  Glickglack started his fateful slide without hesitation.  Seconds into his dash, the loading dock still seems light years away.  The clock is ticking.  Desperately, he secretes more slime from his foot.  It seems hopeless.  His 50 spores flash before his eyes.  Has he failed them?

Two humans, Delmar and Juanita, jumped out from the tree line, calling out to Glickglack.  Unsure but desperate, Glickglack slid towards the couple.  The two grab Glickglack, and drag him to the tree line.  The field reactivates.  Glickglack is still alive.

Delmar and Juanita them place Glickglack in a wheelchair, covering him with a coat blankets, and hat.  They load him into a van and drive him to the Oberweis across the street to wait out the security sweep.

"Oberweis is the last place anyone would expect to find an illegal alien."  Said Delmar.

Today Glickglack is one of the estimated 150 illegal space aliens living in the Chicago area.  Glickglack works as a researcher for a major corporation, where he makes about $30,000 a year.  This is a fraction of the normal six-digit salary of a human researcher.  All of his salary goes to Delmar and Juanita.

"It works out just fine for us.  Glickglack just eats the insects in our garden, and telecommutes in the basement.    We get his money because he doesn't need it, and we give him his gravel, which I guess is like gold on his planet.  Everyone wins!"

Critics of illegal space alien immigration say that human researchers lose out.  The Humanist Defense Front estimates that illegal space aliens have cost Chicago alone about 1,000 research jobs a year.

"These aliens work for next to nothing, and they have knowledge that's hundreds of years ahead of ours.  Quite frankly, we can't compete.  The black-op agencies are selling humanity out to the big corporations."

Clow officials released a statement to The Babbler stating that any alien that attempts "an unauthorized departure" from the base will killed.  All research and trade conducted on the base, the statement adds, is strictly regulated.  New technology is released to the public only when approved by the national government, and when it is proven that it will not disrupt the economy. 

Experts say that with the galactic economy in a depression, more aliens are willing to risk their lives to find their fortune on Earth.  According to an unnamed source, escape attempts have increased 100 percent in the last two years.

Dena, from Alien Sanctuary, feels that the increase is actually a good thing for humanity.

"We are so far behind the rest of the galaxy it's scary."  Said Dena.  "History shows that when advanced civilizations encounter weaker civilizations, the weaker civilizations are usually annihilated!  We need to follow the example of the Japanese and catch up quickly!  These aliens are teaching us how to survive in a hostile universe!  The government has been too conservative in releasing the vital technology to the public."

Alien Sanctuary, which was founded last year, helps illegal space aliens find safe havens and jobs.  Dena says that there is a two-year waiting list for Bolingbrook residents who want to house a space alien.

"We can't risk moving aliens outside of Bolingbrook because of the risk of exposure to the general public."

Roberto Markos, a member of the Bolingbrook Alien Guard, says that the local government and black-ops aren't doing enough to stop the flow of illegal space aliens.

"I used to work for Motorola, until they replaced my job with a space alien!"  Said Markos.  "Now I work at O'Hare airport as a TSA Officer.  I used to design cell phones.  Now I'm elbow deep in dirty underwear everyday!  So I decided to do something."

Markos and a friend patrol the area outside of Clow for illegal space aliens.  To date, they only found one alien escapee.  Since Illinois gun laws prohibit concealed weapons, Markos tried to physically restrain the alien.  The alien instead broke Markos's right leg and arms.

"If the government would have done it job, I wouldn't have ended up in the hospital!"

Anonymous Clow officials say they try to do sweeps of suspected alien sanctuaries, but fear that an aggressive campaign could expose the existence of space aliens to the general public.

"Thank god most people don't believe The Babbler.  Otherwise we'd be in real trouble."

As for Glickglack, he says he will stay on Earth for another year, and then try to smuggle his gravel back to his home world.  As he finishes, blue slime spouts from his head.

"That's his way of saying Earth is the planet of opportunity."  Said Delmar.

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