Klingon Institute says Klingon language proves the existence of real Klingons
Institute to file lawsuit against Paramount Pictures

Is the Klingon language a real alien language?

The Klingon Cultural Institute, based in Chicago, announced that it would be filing a lawsuit against Paramount Pictures to 'liberate' the Klingon language.

Mark Kenner, HoD of the institute, said that, contrary to popular belief, Klingons are real.

"We believe that Gene Rodenberry received telepathic messages from the real Klingons.  Instead of reporting this to the scientific community, he made up a story about The Federation, and sold it to a TV network.  He dishonored the Klingon culture!"

Kenner, who was wearing a normal suit and tie, calmly explained that the institute believes that Klingon Language is simply too complicated to have been made up by Hollywood writers.  Therefore, reasoned Kenner, it could only be a true extraterrestrial language.

Kevin Benson, La' of the institute, demonstrated the evolution of the Klingon language on the TV show.  Benson explained that Rodenberry was still trying to translate the language while he was producing the original series.  Therefore, his Klingons only spoke English.  For Start Trek: The Motion Picture, Rodenberry had a rudimentary understanding of Klingon, and thus he let his Klingons speak it.  It wasn't until Star Trek III that Rodenberry had fully translated the language. 

"Since Star Trek III, we have heard a consistent, complex language.  There is no way this was created by linguist in his spare time!  This is a real language, created by a race of noble warriors!"

Paramount has illegally profited from an extraterrestrial, said Kenner.  The institute, he said, is seeking to the re-coup the damages inflicted Paramount on the Klingons, and on Earth's scientific community.  If they win the lawsuit, they would hold the money for the Klingons until they made first contact with Earth.

"We realize that it will be a long time before the Klingons contact Earth."  Said Kenner.  "We are a race that is weak in their eyes.  There is no honor in destroying a primitive civilization.  They will not help us advance, for compassion is a sign of weakness!  I only hope that when the transmission of Star Trek reach the Klingons, they will consider it unworthy of their attention!"

When asked why we have never seen the Klingons, Kenner replied, "Cloaking devices."

When asked if suing Paramount was the Klingon way to respond, Kenner said, "No.  Look at us.  We are not a bunch of overweight nerds compensating for being wimpy!  We are serious scholars of a warrior culture!"

When a reporter stated that the Klingons weren't real, but a symbolic representation the Soviet Union, Benson angrily replied, "I have studied the Klingon language for over 20 years!  How dare you tell me that it is not real!  You need to an advanced degree in Klingon before you can even begin to question its legitimacy!"

Paramount refused to comment on the proposed lawsuit.

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