Ninjas trying to steal communion wafers!

A photo of a possible ninja spotted on top of a Catholic Church, and first reported in this blog.

Atheist PZ Myers may be their mastermind

As part of the escalating war over communion wafers, the Department of Homeland is warning Catholic Churches to watch out for ninjas.

"While the popular media depicts ninjas as being of Asian descent," reads a Homeland memo obtained from a Chicago church, "all of your staff should be aware that Ninja training is offered to all non-Caucasians, and some Caucasians.  It should also be noted that many people of Arabic descent are now training in the techniques of Ninjas."

The memo goes on to say the ninjas will first visit a church wearing civilian clothing.  Some may try to steal the wafer in their mouths, but most will be there to do reconnaissance work.  Even without their traditional outfits, it is possible to recognize these ninjas.

"Look for visitors to your parish who fit the above profile and may also say they:

• Are very enthusiastic about receiving communion
• Claim to enjoy being Catholic
• Agree with all of the Pope's dictates
• Say Catholic League president William H Donohue should be the next Pope"

The memo urges all clergy and parishioners to practice extreme diligence while in church.  This should last until the terrorist threat level is set to green.

Ninjas may have already struck in the Chicago area.  Sister Mary, who asked that we not identify her convent, says that a ninja tried to raid their supply of communion wafers.

"You should have seen it."  Said Sister Mary.  "I saw the Ninjas trying to unlock the cabinet.  Before I could scream, Mother Superior ran into the room with her ruler.  Let me tell you she is really schooled in ruler fighting.  You just can't see her technique when hits school children.  Anyway, she did pretty well, out numbered five to one.  It really is true when they say ninjas will only attack one at a time.  Not to mention that her ruler is pretty tough.  Did you know that she can parry a sword with it?"

Sister Mary said that the Ninjas were able to subdue Mother Superior, but they had to flee when they heard the police sirens

"She's good, but she only practices on children.  It's quite different to fight someone who will hit back.  Hey, Father Ed, I'm in The Babbler!"

The conflict started when a University of Central Florida student removed a communion wafer from a church.  Though the wafer was returned, atheist blogger PZ Myers expressed his outrage and asked his readers to mail communion wafers to him.  Anonymous sources say he has now hired ninjas to secure those wafers. 

Other experts say that the ninjas really work for Al Qaeda as part of a plot to re-construct the body of Christ and hold him hostage.

Regardless of the cause, a source in Chicago's city hall says Mayor Daley says he will do everything in his power to secure the wafers.  Even if it means having armed police officers in church during mass.

"Hey," said the source, "this whole thing might be getting out of hand, but Catholics vote, and the mayor wants to keep their vote.  When is the last time an atheist voted for Mayor Daley?"

PZ Myers could not be reached for comment.

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