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God finally allows summer to arrive in Chicago
Witches help Cubs and Sox lead their divisions
Mole people hired to dig new tunnels in Chicago
Clinton tells supporters to boycott the media
Claar resubmits bid for space elevator
Bolingbrook in the Bible
Confessions of an adultolescent
God to smite Bolingbrook on 6/15/08
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Chicago area churches rush to recruit Obama
Less than a day after leaving Trinity United Church of Christ, Chicago area churches have begun recruiting Senator Barack Obama.
"Yes we can bring Barack Obama into our fold!" An anonymous pastor told a Babbler reporter. "Some people outside of Chicago may have their doubts about Obama, but us Chicago residents know him well. He believes in equality between races, and he is a Christian! With the Obama family in our flock, the number of donations, er, new converts to our church will skyrocket!"
Other churches stated they are going to try to persuade Obama by showing their commonality with him.
"Barack Obama is both black and white." Said an anonymous evangelical preacher. "We see the world in black and white. Sure we'll have to work on his politics, but we can start with black and white."
June, who is a member of a Naperville church, expected her church to make changes to entice Obama to join.
"Sometimes we send our kids on missions to South America to help build homes and spread the word. Maybe we could have a few missions to the South Side of Chicago to build homes instead. I'd worry about my kids' safety, but it would be worth it so I could possibly sit next to Obama's family on Sunday."
Other religions are also actively trying to recruit the Obama family into their fold.
Amy e-mailed an invitation to Obama asking him to consider joining her synagogue.
"What better way to solve his Jewish problem than to become Jewish? And just between your readers and me, Joe Lieberman is kind of turning into an embarrassment. I can understand his support for the Iraq war, but I don't understand why he speaks at some evangelical events. They only support Israel now because they want to see it blown up later on. They think it will bring about their second coming. So I think Obama should convert to our faith because he won't have to deal with crazy reverends, and we need a positive role model in the Senate."
An anonymous leader in a local mosque said he is going to ask Obama to convert to Islam.
"Everyone already thinks he's a Muslim already, and it hasn't hurt him in the polls. So why not make it official?" He said. "We're pretty liberal when it comes to mosques. Michelle and the girls would have to wear a headscarf, but they could still show their faces. In return, we'd be willing to consider supporting a Martian Luther King Jr.-style Jihad. Which really means struggle, not terrorism and (long rationalization edited.)"
Rev. Melissa Jackson of the Wheaton Unitarian church has also sent Obama an invitation to join her church.
"Obama's message is all about coming together. Our church is all about different faiths coming together. We are the embodiment of Obama! He can believe in Christianity, Islam, Buddhism, or he can mix and match his own god. We don't care. Just as long as you are a paying member, you're welcome to join our fold!"
When asked to comment, a man claiming to be Barack Obama replied, "How did you get this phone number? I don't have time for this because I'm playing with my daughters right now. And by the way, I am not a space alien!"
The Babbler contacted Rev. Wright, and he asked the reporter if The Babbler would give his new book a positive review. When told that the staff would need to see an advanced copy first, he replied, "Goddamn The Bolingbrook Babbler!"
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