Rep. Ron Paul flies UFO over Bolingbrook

Presidential Candidate Ron Paul flies a UFO over Mayor Roger Claar's home.

By Reporter X

Representative Ron Paul flew a UFO over Bolingbrook as part of his campaign stop at Bolingbrook's Clow UFO base.

"My opponent Sen. McCain may have flown a jet fighter forty years ago." Said Paul, "But I just flew this anti-gravity fighter today." Paul motioned towards the X-5000, a craft created with both USA and alien technology. "I'd like to see him try to copy my flight path without crashing!"

While the media was not allowed on the flight, anonymous sources disagree on how well he actually flew the craft. All agree that he flew the craft at close to MACH 7 and then brought the craft to an abrupt stop inches from Mayor Roger Claar's home. Some of the sources say it looked like he didn't know what he was doing.

"When his co-pilot tried to tell him how to fly the craft, he said, 'I don't need some government bureaucrat telling me what to do!'" Said one source.

Other sources, however, tell a different story.

"Oh he was in control the whole time." Said Jon, who asked that we not use his last name. "He was just trying to scare the government employees on board. In fact, when he stopped just inches from Roger's house, he looked at us and said, 'I meant to do that!'"

After the speech, Paul addressed a group of 100 enthusiastic human base employees.

"You guys deal with aliens from all over the universe! As you've shown me, we are all united by our desire for prosperity, low taxes, and God. In fact, the charter for Clow mentions God several times. That shows that we are truly one Universe under God!"

The Clow charter does not mention God, or any other supreme intelligence. Paul's campaign has yet to issue a correction.

Paul wanted to reassure the visiting aliens that they would be welcome under a Paul administration.

"Now we in the United States have our issues with other humans trying to cross our borders." Said Paul. "Now my old newsletter used to call them scary people, but I've hired a new staff since then. Anyway, you guys are OK. You provide us with fancy technology, and you follow the rules when you visit our planet. As long as you respect US sovereignty, we'll respect you. And don't even think of applying for welfare here!"

Most in the crowd were supportive of Paul.

"Ron Paul is so cool, there's no way he's losing the Republican nomination!" Said Janet Hamilton. "Just wait until he runs as a third party candidate! They can't steal the general election. Our protestors will intimidate their thugs!"

Clow's TSA employees, however, boycotted the event.

Jake Shelby explained why. "Ron Paul talks about security, and goes and trashes the TSA every chance he gets. He calls us corrupt and lazy. Everyday I'm elbow deep in alien underwear, and he says I should be replaced by a cheap contractor. Well, I am an Officer of the Transportation Security Agency. I am uniquely qualified to protect the security of this country! I cannot be replaced by contractors, or gun-wielding passengers! I hope someday I can give Ron Paul a secondary screening!"

Paul visited Clow as part of a campaign sweep of UFO bases in Super Tuesday states. His next stop will be in California.

When asked about the flyover, Claar replied, "I never thought I would live to see the day when I would prefer to answer a question from The Babbler rather than CNN."

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