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Bolingbrook Jaycees sponsor UFO night
Chicago in The Bible
Atheists demand equal time in churches!
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© Copyright 2007
Rosie celebrates retirement on Titan!
Former Bolingbrook Mayor honored for his service
By Reporter X
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| Former Bolingbrook Mayor and Naperville North teacher poses for a picture on Saturn's moon Titan. |
6/10/07: The residents of Titan threw a surprise party for Ed "Rosie" Rosenthal to celebrate his retirement after 30 years of teaching. The former Naperville North teacher seemed to be pleased to be honored by the citizens this Saturn moon.
"At first I thought the Alpha Centurions were abducting my family. But then my wife explained what was going on, I felt much better."
The former Bolingbrook mayor then reminisced about the secret history of Bolingbrook during his term as mayor from 1981 to 1985. His term included the first expansion of the Clow UFO Base. But some alien races still wanted more room.
"I'll never forget my meeting with the Venusians." Said Rosenthal. "They wanted to buy Old Chicago and turn it into an embassy. I told them right up front, 'I don't care how tall you are. I don't care how much makeup you'll wear. There is no way a Venusian can pass for a Chinese citizen. No matter how much gold you give me, you can't have Old Chicago."
Rosenthal then gave a complicated retelling of the Bolingbrook time war. During this war, invaders from the year 3015 tried to destroy Bolingbrook. With help from a Men in Blue strike force, Rosenthal managed to erase the invaders' existence.
"Let's just say that I learned more about temporal mechanics than I ever wanted to know. But on the bright side, apparently, I am hailed as a liberator in the 31st century. I can live with that."
Emperor Yogoth u Goth the XXII, gave Rosenthal a stone of gatatute.
"You're efforts as Mayor opened Bolingbrook to the Universe. And if you ever need something to do, we can always use a negotiator like you."
After the party, Rosenthal took his family out to enjoy a game of golf in Titan's low gravity.
"You can hit ball over a mile here," Said Rosenthal, "but the haze makes it hard to find your ball. Plus the course is one big gravel trap. So Titan is quite a challenging place to play."
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