Bolingbrook Opposition Parties respond to Mayor Claar's State of the Village speech

Mayor Roger Claar says Bolingbrook needs more hotel rooms. What do the opposition parties have to say?

Every year, The Bolingbrook Babbler gives Bolingbrook's opposition parties a chance to respond to the annual State of the Village speech. This year the Roger Claar Party, The Al Gore Party, and the Find Stacy Party have accepted our invitation.

The Roger Claar Party
A great mayor deserves a great party

Wow! That was some speech! Thirty years ago, no one could have predicted that Bolingbrook would ever be favorably compared to Schaumburg! Yet today, we have same population as Schaumburg, and we're still growing! Who knows, someday people will travel from all over the world to attend events at the Roger Claar Convention Center.

Yet, we should note that none of the other village board members, dominated by the Bolingbrook first party, were quoted in the Bolingbrook Sun. Why is that? As soon as the speech ended, we were calling all the major hotel chains, asking them why they have foolishly avoided building hotels in Bolingbrook. Did the board members even try to contact the other hotel chains?

In order to make Roger's vision a reality, he needs a political party that enthusiastically supports him. Roger doesn't need a Ringo Starr. He needs a John Lennon. We want to be his Lennon to Roger's Paul McCartney.

This goes beyond hotel rooms! Why does Chicago have so many suburbs? Wouldn't it be better if Chicago had just one suburb, run by the greatest mayor in history? That's why we support the concept of Greater Bolingbrook. Bolingbrook should surround Chicago, and compliment the second city. Can you imagine what Roger could do with lakeshore property?

These are amazing times, and Roger needs the right village board to take Bolingbrook to the next level! Vote for us, and there's no limit to Roger's vision!

The Al Gore Party
Saving Bolingbrook from an inconvenient truth

We compliment Roger Claar the excellent work his done as Mayor in the past. He has taken Bolingbrook to new heights. However, his current plan for Bolingbrook assumes a stable climate. As it is now painfully obvious, we are in the middle of manmade climate change.

This climate change could put a vice on Bolingbrook and squeeze it in ways it has never been squeezed. The melting ice in Greenland and Antarctic will begin to raise sea levels. This means Americans will be forced to move inland. Imagine what happened during Hurricane Katrina, and now imagine that mass migration happening along all the coastal cities. How many refugees will Bolingbrook be able to take in this time?

Remember the droughts in the Southeast? Now imagine those droughts spreading throughout the South. How will the country react when the Southwest Desert becomes the Southern Desert? Where will all the people go?

We could in fact see the greatest migration since the Dust Bowl. Only this time we won't know when the rains will come back. Plus the people will be moving to the North. How will Illinois handle this influx? Will the state be forced to close its borders? Today, illegal aliens are from Mexico. Tomorrow, Illinois could be trying to stop illegal aliens from Missouri.

If the borders stay open, where Bolingbrook put all of its newly impoverished residents? Will the village be ready? Will the Bolingbrook Golf Club become a refugee camp? Will we have to deal with riots?

We need to prepare for this nightmarish future, and work towards preventing the ravages of global warming. We can still have development, and reduce our carbon footprint. Vote for us, and we'll work hard to make sure our grandchildren will enjoy the same quality of life we enjoy in Bolingbrook.

Find Stacy Party!
It just doesn't make any sense!

Hello. I'm Jacob Z. Milton. I have no law enforcement experience, but I have always followed major missing person's cases on the Internet. So I consider myself an amateur detective. Until recently, I was a Montana resident.

After reading all the Internet discussion groups devoted to Stacy Peterson, I had some questions. Now, I'm not a conspiracy theorist, but I've read some things that just don't make any sense. For example:

• Why didn't Mayor Roger Claar lock down Bolingbrook when Stacy Peterson went missing? Instead, his police department started an investigation and then called in the State Police. Why weren't roadblocks set up? They could have had a better chance of finding her if they stopped all traffic going out of Bolingbrook. But the police didn't? Why? It doesn't make any sense.
• Why haven't they called in a real psychic to help out? I'm sorry, but The Amazing Kreskin doesn't count. Even he says he has no powers. You think the police would call in real psychics. But they haven't. Why? It doesn't make any sense.
• On a discussion board, I saw a graphic that said the mayor's wife is the principal of Bolingbrook High School. But the BHS site says she is an assistant principal. Was the poster wrong? Did the poster forget to check the web site? Did the school district give her a new job, and then tried to scrub any evidence that she was the principal? Is it all a misunderstanding? It just doesn't make any sense!
• Why won't the mayor appear on Nancy Grace? Why would a politician refuse to be on a national news program? Is he hiding something? Is he too busy? It just doesn't make any sense!
• Why are space aliens helping in the search? They abduct thousands of people everyday. Now they want to help find one woman? Why can't they find her? Are they hiding something? What won't they tell us? IT JUST DOESN'T MAKE ANY SENSE!

With all these unanswered questions, I've decided to move to Bolingbrook and run against Mayor Roger Claar. If nothing makes sense to you, please join this new political party, and we'll use every resource this village has to make sense of it all

|

Please note: All stories and characters on this web site are works of fiction.