Former skeptic endorses the teaching of Stork Theory in Illinois schools
Says it will help Christians learn about reproductive health

If Illinois House Bill 978K passes, grade school students could soon be learning sex education from this textbook.

In a shocking development, Illinois atheist blogger GardenerFF, announced her support for the "Stork Theory" Illinois House Bill 978K.

"Too many Christians don't want to learn about reproductive health and prenatal care because it involves sexual intercourse." Wrote GardenerFF. "By getting rid of intercourse, we can open their eyes to sex education."

Stork Theory, as proposed by the Illinois Council for Responsible Family Education, states that when a married couple wants to have a child, they let God know. God then sends a stork to deliver the baby into the mother's womb. A stork, however, can be confused if it flies by an unmarried couple having sex. The stork will instead deposit the baby into that woman's womb instead.

"We especially want to teach teenagers that when they have sex, not only are they committing a crime against God, but they are stealing a baby from a married couple." States the council's web site. "All so-call sex education classes, including abstinence-only classes, fail because accept the Kinseyist notion that intercourse creates babies."

The council also believes that if an unmarried woman gives birth, she should give the baby up for adoption so God can lead the rightful parents to the baby.

There are currently four bills pending before the Illinois House regarding the teaching of Stork Theory. 978K requires all public schools to teach both Intercourse and Stork theories, stating that both theories are equally valid. 979K requires all public schools to teach the controversy surrounding the two theories, and maintain a neutral stance. 980K states that schools can only teach Stork Theory and Divine Intercourse Theory. DIT states that since we do not fully understand human reproduction, God must some how be involved. 981K bans the teaching of all sex education classes until everyone agrees with either Intercourse Theory or Stork Theory.

While most skeptics have condemned Stork Theory, GardenerFF, a female Atheist blogger who claims to be a writer of gardening books, surprised her readers with her unconditional support for 978K.

"Too many Christians associate intercourse with atheism." Wrote GardenerFF. "We been pushing Kinseyist reproductive theory for so long that we've repulsed Christians to the idea of any sex education. The whole point of Stork Theory is to open Christians' minds. By getting rid of intercourse, we allow them to learn about sex."

GardenerFF, who regularly blogs about the so-called evils of religion, received stunned reactions from her readers.

"You don't anything about Stork Theory!" Wrote one angry reader. "The whole point of Stork theory is to destroy sex education. The Inspiration Institute's founding documents clearly state that none of their members can believe that the union of an egg and sperm will result in a child."

Responding to her readers, she replied, "I find your hysterical responses amusing. I've read their documents, and there's nothing to suggest that they are opposed to sex education. Sure the II has some crazy ideas, but most Christians don't share them. So I don't have a problem with our schools using II books to teach sex education. The world isn't going to end if Illinois starts teaching their children that babies come from storks."

GardenerFF also stated that while she is still an atheist, she is no longer a skeptic.

"I went to the last Amazing Meeting with James Randi. It was boring. So I decided to stick to atheism."

A Christian reader disagreed with her assertions about Christians.

"I'm am so sick of people thinking that we need to be protected from the real world. God didn't intend for The Bible to be a biology manual. He intended it to be a guide on how to live our lives! When we deny nature, we deny His work! We can handle the truth!"

The II released a statement saying they were pleased with GardenerFF's post.

"This shows the increasing support Stork Theory has. Eventually Big Science will have no choice but seriously consider our theory!"

When we asked the Illinois House Speaker Michael Madigan to comment, he laughed and hung up the phone.

James Randi, who is Las Vegas for this year's Amazing Meeting, wasn't impressed with GardenerFF. "I don't care who she is, or what format she writes in. Stork theory is just wrong! Oh, I met the first publisher of The Bolingbrook Babbler twice. Both times he was out of his mind."

Before he could hang up, this reporter could hear a young woman in the background start to talk.

"Randi, Ben Stein is about to be interviewed on TV. Do you want to play the Ben Stein drinking game?"

"No, I'm too old for that stuff." He replied.

"Hey guys," the woman yelled, "Randi doesn't want to play. There's more booze for us!"

|

Please note: All stories and characters on this web site are works of fiction.