Bolingbrook Jaycees save the weredeer

By Reporter X

A rare photograph of a Bolingbrook weredeer taken in 2005.

After nine years, the Bolingbrook Jaycees announced the end of their Save the Weredeer project.

"When we started this project, Bolingbrook's weredeer population numbered 1000." June Burdett, head of the project, told a press conference. "Today the weredeer number 5,000. We feel that this is a sustainable population for Bolingbrook."

Like most lycanthropic species, weredeer cannot mate with each other. They can only mate humans and deer. Even then only a small percentage of their offspring become weredeer.

Critics of the weredeer accused them of impersonating spouses and lovers to fool them into mating. If a male weredeer impregnated a human woman, critics said the male would abandon his family until the child's first transformation.

The Bolingbrook Jaycees said their project educated the weredeer about the consequences of their behavior and the importance of family.

"There hasn't been an incident of a weredeer impersonating a spouse since 2002." Said Donald Sherman, assistant head of the project. "We've taught the weredeer how to properly find human women and men for courting. We have also taught them that even though they don't have souls, God wants them to wait until marriage to have sex. If they can't wait for marriage, then we tell them to have sex with other deer."

Jake Nestor, a long time critic of the project and head Bolingbrook's Art Bell Party, conceded that the Weredeers' behavior has improved since the project began.

"I'm glad that they're treating our women with more respect." Said Nestor. "But I fear that soon the weredeer will take over Village Hall, and make it a capital offense to harm deer. It is our God given right to kill deer, even if they can change into human beings!"

The only known weredeer at the press conference, Priest of the Great Scar, said the weredeer would maintain cordial relations with humanity.

"We connected to each other as children of the Earth." Said Scar. "To enslave humanity would be to enslave ourselves. To let us die is to humanity die. We have learned from the Jaycees, and we will keep those lessons in the Great Grass Book!"

Burdett says the Jaycees have learned from the Weredeer as well.

"We now know that there are no Jaycee projects on a dead planet. All of us, Weredeer and human, must work together to preserve our planet. By preserving the Earth, we are preserving our chance to become future business leaders."

Some members of the Bolingbrook Jaycees, who refused to be quoted for this article, claim that the project is really ending because some board members are uncomfortable supporting the Weredeer. Some feel that the Weredeer are immoral, while others feel that the project violates the Jaycee Creed because the project doesn't serve humanity.

Bolingbrook Jaycee President Jeff Hendricks denies this.

"Look, there will always be people out there saying that the only things we do are create drama and threaten satirical publications with lawsuits. The truth is that we are dedicated to serving this community and saving the weredeer is saving the community!"

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