Bolingbrook Met executes freelance writer
Confusing Romeoville with Bolingbrook becomes capital offense
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The Babbler recently confirmed that The Bolingbrook Met executed a freelance writer for mistakenly reporting that the Bolingbrook Parks Department was holding a referendum. In fact, the Romeoville Parks Department was holding the referendum.
"It may seem a bit harsh, but we do have reputation to repair." said an anonymous source at Press Publications. "We're still living down the issue of The Bolingbrook Met that only printed election results from DuPage county. Because of this and other mistakes, the public's faith in The Bolingbrook Met has been shaken. Sure we could have handled this mistake better, but something had to be done."
According to the same source, the freelance writer's execution was sanctioned by the bylaws of The Society of Professional Journalists. Under Code THK-1190, publishers are required to eliminate mistakes "by any means necessary."
"We felt that executing her was the best way to deter mistakes by our other reporters." said the source. "Plus it keeps her out of the reporter pool. No other publication will ever be affected by her mistake prone writing."
Dana Norman, spokesperson for Press Publications, denied that the reporter had been executed.
"I believe she's happily writing for some other publication. Besides, Press Publications would never violate the laws of the US or Ohio."
Ohio?
"Oh that's right. Bolingbrook is in Illinois. I get those 'Bowling' cities mixed up."
Technically the execution wasn't against the law. According to a source at the Governor's mansion, Governor George Ryan approved the execution, and allowed The Met to use the state's execution chamber.
"The Governor is a good friend of Mayor Claar." said the source. "He says the local media have been giving him a hard time. So the Governor supports any action that will reduce the number of reporters in Bolingbrook."
The process was quick, according to our sources. The day after the story was published, the editor was informed of the error. Saturday, the writer was called into The Met offices and confronted with the charges. After admitting the mistake to the editor and publisher, the publisher sentenced her to death. The writer, after being thrown into the dungeon, demanded an appeal to the SPJ High Court. The Court gathered on Sunday to hear her case. After a two hour meeting, they upheld her execution. She was executed on Monday.
Her last words were, "It was an honest mistake. Bolingbrook and Romeoville are so close together, and they look so much alike. It's hard to tell them apart. Any one could have made this mistake!"
Copely, the company that owns The Bolingbrook Sun, offered this reaction to the execution. "While we may not agree with their management style, we think they're on the right track."
Family members of the writer denied that she was executed. A woman called The Babbler office, claiming to be writer. This reporter was not convinced by her story.
For the record, The Babbler does not execute its reporters for any reason. Nor is The Babbler affiliated with the Society of Professional Journalists.