Alien insults Bolingbrook!
Art Bell Party demands apology!
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(Reporter X) During an executive session of the Village Board, an alien ambassador insulted Bolingbrook's residents by calling them, "ugly bags of water." The insult has sent shockwaves throughout Village Hall, and has lead to calls for Mayor Claar's resignation.
The meeting, which was called to proclaim Bogingabook as Bolingbrook's sister planet, was supposed to an interstellar public relations ceremony In the beginning, Claar warmly praised the beings of Bogingabook, saying that it was no coincidence that the two places shared the same name.
"Out of all the trillions of planets in the known universe, your planet's name stands out like a beacon to us." He told the Bogingabook delegation present. Claar then listed the similarities between the two places.
"Bolingbrook is located in Silicon Prairie. Bogingabook's inhabitants are made of Silicon."
After Claar's speech, the head ambassador, Algore, slid up to the podium.
"For a bunch of ugly bags of water, you beings aren't half bad." He said, then slid back to his delegation.
That one sentence sent the Village Office of Interstellar Affairs into a flurry of spin doctoring, and blame. At first the office denied that Algore had insulted Bolingbrook's residents.
"Well technically, humans are mostly made of water." Said one village official. "So technically, it is correct to call humans bags of water. As for the ugly part, well that's cultural. I mean, if you didn't know any better, you might call a Bogingabookian a pile of ugly rocks. Not that I would do such a thing, you know."
That explanation didn't satisfy Claar's critics.
"Bolingbrook has just been insulted, and Claar's people are feeding us this line of (expletive deleted)!" Said Jake Nestor of the Art Bell Party. "Claar is so enslaved by extraterrestrial special interest groups that he's no longer qualified to defend the honor of Bolingbrook! If he had any balls, he'd demand an apology then resign!"
Later in the week, village officials stated off the record that Algore was just joking, and didn't mean for his comments to be taken seriously.
"That's the problem with alien humor." Said an official who we'll call Steve. "Sometimes it's just hard for humans to get the joke. Sure the comments were rough, but that's the nature of Algore's race. Their humor is as hard and rough as the rocks they're made of."
Another official, we'll call him Dave, claims that Algore's comments were taken out of context.
"Before his speech, Roger's daughter commented that Algore's crystals looked 'pretty.' Algore heard that, and felt insulted. After all he's a guy. Er, what passes for a guy among their race. Anyway, call any part of him pretty is like calling someone gay. So he merely retaliated with his own insult. You guys should ease up on Algore. We're not totally blameless."
When we called Claar's daughter for comment, she lowered the receiver, and yelled, "Dad! The Babbler is picking on me!" Claar then picked up the phone and made several unprintable comments towards The Babbler.