The Bolingbrook Babbler

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Bolingbrook is sinking!

Flood plain spreads as Bolingbrook's elevation decreases!

A Babbler exclusive investigation has revealed that Bolingbrook is sinking. Not only that, but in a matter of decades, the ground beneath Bolingbrook could give way, plunging the Village into a vast underground cavern!

The problem became apparent after several surveys of Bolingbrook resident Jan Zobel's property.

"When my land was first surveyed, it wasn't anywhere near the flood plain. A few years later, I received a letter from the US Government saying that a foot of my back yard was in the flood plain. Because of that, I was now required to have flood insurance. I was outraged, because there was no way they could be right. So I demanded another survey. A few weeks later, they did another one, and determined that my entire house was in the flood plain. I was shocked."

Other residents have complained to the Babbler.

"Just before I bought my house, I walked into the basement during a rain storm. It looked just fine." Said David Gilbert. "After bought the house, there was another storm, and my basement flooded! The flood plain must have grown since I moved in."

According to documents mailed anonymously to the Babbler, the land Bolingbrook sits on has been sinking in relation to the rest of Chicagoland. As a result, each year more of Bolingbrook sinks into the flood plain. The documents also suggest that Village government has suppressed this information as they've desperately tried to solve the problem.

A source at Village Hall, we'll call Z, confirms the validity of the documents.

"The ground beneath Bolingbrook has never been stable." Said Z. "First of all, Bolingbrook is built on top of a buried ancient city. That's reason enough for concern. Then add the fact that we have hundreds of reptoids building a network of tunnels underground. That's enough to weaken the ground alone. Add Bolingbrook's growing population, and all the basting from the quarry, and you've got a major sinking problem!"

Z confirms that Village Hall has tried to cover this up, fearing a wide-spread panic, and the resulting financial hardship this would bring to local realtors. The Village, he claims, has tried to work around the problem.

"That's why Bolingbrook is so spread out." Said Z. "By spreading out the population, we're easing the amount of stress we're placing on the ground. The problem is that Bolingbrook is running out of room. If we keep growing at our present rate, we'll have to increase the density of buildings. That's going to increasing the sinking rate. In a few years, we're going to need to build ladders and elevators to reach the rest of Chicago. Bolingbrook will be trapped in a pit!"

The problem could be worse than that. According to a "Lewis" University geologist, Bolingbrook is resting on top of a giant cavern. The real reason Bolingbrook is sinking, he says, is because the cavern ceiling is starting to give way."

"Some day," He said, "The cavern is going to collapse and Bolingbrook will fall into the hole. Thousands of people will be buried on that fateful day. When will it happen? I don't know. It could be decades. It could be tomorrow. I just don't know."

The Planning Commission would not publicly comment about our findings. One commissioner did agree to speak to us anonymously. He denied that Bolingbrook is sinking.

"Bolingbrook has a firm foundation to build the future on. Hey, that would make a great slogan!"

If you don't share his confidence, and you can't move from Bolingbrook, what can you do? Make sure each room in your home is equipped with shovels and ladders. You might have to dig yourself out if Bolingbrook caves in. Every home should have boat ready in case of flooding. Remember, today you may live on high ground. Tomorrow, you could treading water as your home floats away in a flood.