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Village of Bolingbrook to buy out the Sun-Times

Will Mayor Roger Claar get the last word?

The Village of Bolingbrook will attempt to buy out the Chicago Sun-Times, sources have told The Babbler. This is no way connected to the recent front page article that was critical of Mayor Claar's business dealing while a Tollway board member.

"This is an action taken by the Village of Bolingbrook." Said one source. "Not Roger Claar. Villages are things, not people. They don't have feelings, and they don't peruse vendettas."

When we pointed out that the Village is run by Mayor Claar, and he can use his position to peruse a vendetta, the source became defensive.

"Damn it, that objection is not in the script!"

He refused to explain the "script" or who gave it to him.

Other sources described the plan in detail. Shareholders on Sun Times Board will be offered free homes and ghost jobs if they move the Sun-Times to Bolingbrook. The Village will also build an "art house" movie theater in order to tempt Roger Ebert to move to Bolingbrook.

"If we can get Roger Ebert on our side, The Sun-Times will have no choice but to move here!" Said a source close to Mayor Claar, who asked to be called Steve.

Steve provided a transcript of a speech Mayor Claar gave during a closed Village Board session. In the speech, Mayor Claar defends the buyout as part of a plan to make the Village Government profitable.

"We've been taking money from the good people of Bolingbrook, and now it's time to give them something back!" Mayor Claar allegedly said in this speech. "We need a real local paper! The Met and Sun are not local...Instead of wasting our tax dollars on those imitation papers, we can buy a classy newspaper, and move it to Bolingbrook. It's a win-win-win situation. The residents get the local paper they deserve, The Sun-Times gets exclusive rights to a new market, and the Village Government can use the Sun-Times' profits to cut taxes. Everyone wins."

Mayor Claar also promised to personally select the Editorial Board, and "assist" in the hiring of reporters. He also explained that because the Village will be running the Sun-Times, reporters will have a unique prospective of Village Government. The Village will not censor stories, he said, but will edit them.

"Everyone could use a little editing now and then. There have been time when I wish I could have edited the local paper. Now with the help of the Village Emergency fund, I can do that."

When we called Mayor Claar to comment on this story, he first made some unprintable comments. "You know my week wasn't totally ruined, until you guys called me!" He finally said.

No one from the Sun-Times would comment for this article. A spokesperson for Ebert said that he saw The Babbler's web page and gave it thumbs down.

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