Prelude to the opening credits of
"The Making of War and Peace Two: Skateboarding is not a crime!"
Back in the 1990s, I had an idea for movie about the making of the most expensive Public Access Television movie ever made. I never had the time or money to produce it for Iowa City's Public Access station, but I think it could have been entertaining.
This is from the pre-credit sequence. The first "show" was actually created by E.C. Fish.
(A 7 year-old girl is sitting at a table against a black background. She had a checkers board and pieces. The camera zooms in on her.)
Girl: I'm going to play checkers with myself!
(An 8 year-old boy is standing next to a black wall. The camera zooms in on him.)
Boy: I'm going to bang my head against the wall!
(An overweight man is sitting a TV control booth. The camera zooms in on him.)
Man: And I'm going to broadcast them on live TV!
(Two shot of the boy banging his head, and the girl playing checkers with herself.)
Announcer: Their Idea of Fun…
(A man in his twenties is holding an electric guitar.)
Man: Remember boys and girls. Electric guitar music is good clean fun. (Pause) Yeah right! (The man starts to jam.)
Announcer: Paul Bond's Electric Guitar Highlights…
(Four people on a dark stage. A man in a suit starts to speak.)
Gary: Issue number 3. Should there be a Wal-Mart in Iowa City? Bill, Iowa City Press Citizen.
Bill: That's a very good question Gary, I'm glad you asked. As you know, all Gannett papers pride themselves on being the voice of their communities. So conducted phone poll to get Iowa City's feelings about this question. (Pulls out a large pie chart.) As you can see, we're 50 percent in favor of Wal-Mart, 40 percent opposed, and 10 percent unsure.
Gary: How many people took this phone poll?
Bill (with a big smile): Ten.
Announcer: and the Gary Sanders show will not be seen tonight so that we can bring you the following special presentation.