White Wolf's Reality TV Project
Announcer: From the Producers of The Apprentice and creators of the World of Darkness, comes a horrifying new reality show, that will take you to a new level of horror.
*Fade in a picture of a TV set designed to look like a castle courtyard. It's the middle of the night, and there's a full moon. A wide assortment of contestants are standing in the yard, each one sizing each other up. Mike Tinney steps up to a podium and faces the contestants.*
Tinney: My friends! You are about to go on an amazing journey that will test your very soul. Some of you may lose morality traits for real!
*The contestants look at each other*
Tinney: But if you survive this ordeal, you will become our newest game developer, and we will place you in charge of a brand new World of Darkness game line! We will give the freedom to develop a new kind of monster and unleash that monster on to the World of Darkness!
*The contestants' jaws drop.*
Tinney: You thirteen men and women have been chosen to be here for your gaming design skills. Any one of you could be a developer for our competitors. You are the best of the best! But we need more. We need someone who can face the darkness, and turn it into a challenging role-playing game. So we at White Wolf will take all of you on a 13 week journey into the heart of darkness! All of you will be challenged, but only one of you will become our new developer. And your guide on this journey will be!
*A gate opens up as techno-goth music plays. Smoke billows out of the entrance. A man emerges from the smoke, hold an empty whisky bottle. He considers the contestants.*
Tinney: Justin Achilli!
Announcer: For thirteen episodes, the contestants will be challenged both physically--
*The contestants are lugging around heavy boxes and speakers.*
Contestant: Why are we doing all this physical work? We're competing to be game developers. That's not a physically demanding job.
Achilli: Not physical? What if White Wolf has to move to a new office? What if you get drafted to set up a convention booth? What if you have to protect the office from rabid fan boys? If you think being a developer is easy work, you're *censored* mistaken. Now stop whining, and finish setting up my DJ booth!
Announcer: And mentally.
*The contestants are in a dark room, sitting at a table. Justin is pacing next to them.*
Achilli: Marketing has just ordered you to bring a character from the Old World of Darkness into the New World of Darkness. *points* What do you do?
Contestant 1: I draw up a new werewolf character and call him King Alberect.
Achilli: Lame! You!
Contestant 2: An ashtray falls from the sky, shattering as it hits a vampire. The vampire staggers as he recovers from the blow. He steps on the foot of a person accidently. The person is actually a werewolf, who goes into frenzy and eats the vampire. The werewolf screams his soul is consumed by a more powerful spirit. Thus Samuel Haight is reborn!
*Achilli slaps Contestant 2. Then points at Contestant 3*
Contestant 3: Lucita suddenly appears! Because she's just that cool!
Achilli: I like the way you think.
Announcer: But will they survive looking into the true face of darkness.
*Charles Bailey addresses the contestants.*
Bailey: A great writer once said that Hell is other people. If that is true, then you are about to experience the hell that is know as--
*A table and a chair with straps are unveiled. Dramatic plays in the background.*
Bailey: THE CAMARILLA APPEALS BOARD!
Announcer: Many will try. Some will fail
*A contestant is strapped into the chair and is forced to listen to two Camarilla members argue their case.*
Cammie 1: I was punished because I made a threat. But it was an IC comment, and my CC can't punish me for that.
Cammie 2: You had your fingers crossed!
Cammie 1: My character had his fingers crossed! It was not an OOC comment.
Cammie 2: You know the rules. You were punished for threatening another player!
Cammie 1: You just lied about me. That's a CoC violation.
Cammie 2: I didn't lie. You just made a false accusation about me! That's a CoC violation.
Both: COC VIOLATION! COC VIOLATION!
*The contestant screams, and breaks his arm straps. He grabs a pen in each hand, then stabs both of his eardrums at once.*
Announcer: And all but one will hear these seven dreaded words.
Achilli: You suck! Get out of my cubical!
Announcer: The Developer. Coming this fall to NBC. Reality will never be the same.